I hate his double chin,
his big jew nose,
how he always looks unimpressed,
his stone exterior and his sweet interior,
the way he moans when he's tired
and the way he smirks when he smiles.

I hate this song.

...
Who am I to speak my mind to now?
I felt this comfort with him because he had a smart way of thinking.
He cared to speak of feelings and thoughts and cared to give his two cents.
He was quite mulipulative, and this was supported by many actions.
But I am young, and do not mind, for his formulated opinions made sense to me.

He is gone now.
He believes I've done him bad. I haven't always done right. That I will admit.
I have done things that could have been avoided. I didn't need to feed my curiosity, but I did. Never though, shall I ever say I did him wrong. I believed in him more then anything which is where I went wrong. I did, let myself fall for him. I didn't and do not see why I shouldn't have. I believed and respected him.
Two of the most important things in the world.
So as I said, yes I let myself fall, and I did not hold back, he'd told me not to, and I did not.

Here is where I try to explain my actions or mind and (undoubtlessy) fail.
I do not think with my private parts. It may seem as though I do, but I do not.
I never have and never will. When I conjugate I do not think about myself, ever, I never try to get sexual pleasure out of it. This is very evident, and can assuredly be confirmed with people who have experienced sex with me.
I am selfless, I give.
When I laid with him, I gave him everything, and what really interested me, what really gave me satisfaction were his every words, expressions, and gestures. It was the way he looked towards the ceiling, his look of rapture, the way he clasped my sides.I was infatuated with his everything.

I am young though, and I do have a tendency to do imprudent things.
I can not explain why I had such interest in these stupid manners but I did
What I did purely wholly out of curiosity. I hate to say it, because I think it is ridiculous and if I were to hear someone else say it, it would probably sicken me.
But that is truely my only explanation. there was no infatuation in this, there wasn't a slight inclination, it was just a try, I didn't believe anything would come of it.

Evidently, my views have changed. The idea that I did something like that out of, well, boredom makes me feel incredibly senseless.

The point is, I am not insensitive. I was never given too much credit. He believed me to be a little juvenile and he was right, but, never had I faked being caring or senseless. I am considerate in every sense of the word. This may not seem to make much sense. I understand that. But I understand that we do not always understand our own actions, let alone those of others. I also understand that people are prone to make mistakes.

Have I made a mistake? yes. But have I ignored this and decided to continue my life as I always have? no. I know what I did should not have been done, whether I didn't care or not. Whether I was with the man I cared for or not.

I can't change anyone elses opinions and I don't want to. I can understand how he feels, but unfortunately only I can understand my actions. I would never want to beg for mercy and try getting back what was there. (Still, It would be a lie to say that I never contacted him and clusmily let him know how much I cared few nights that involved alcohol.) I simply want it to be known that I always have and will respect him and that never for a second did I not adore that man.