delicate

So many say that they want me now
But if they only knew what ive done
If they knew all the damaged I caused
Well then they would surely run.
They'd surely say
well you aren't that great
and i'd have to except it
and except my fate
And the one that I want
will he soon leave too?
For I'm trying to change my ways
but I've been a fool
Everytime I start to doubt
this stupidity it comes out
and when I realize what's been done
I try to sweep it up
or I try to run
if only my heart didn't worry like this
I didn't feel it in my head, my legs, my wrists
If only I could take it as it is
if I keep this up, I'll never be his

fuck

you can go fuck yourself.
I hate when you act like this, even if it's unintentional and doesn't mean anything.


Which it probably doesn't.
but I still hate it.

I don't mind unconditional love,
I love to give it
and I don't mind if I'm not getting the same in return
but I do need to be acknowledged,
and I won't stand around and wait to please.
I have a serious amount to offer, and I know it.

so I'll say cool a whole bunch
but one day I just won't reply

this is what makes me do things I feel I'll regret in the futur
but don't give a fuck about right now.

I just feel like ranting today.

I just feel like ranting today.

I can't seem to articulate the things I mean,
and yet I seem to say everything I shouldn't.
I guess I'm always just saying what's really on my mind, and that frightens people.
I guess people have found a way to cover up some of the things they say, change the words around to make it sound prettier.
My head isn't too good at that.
It says what it wants and what it believes it should.
fifty percent of the time my mouth is kept shut anyhow,
I don't really believe in talking to most of the people I know, I don't know many people I'd actually want to have a conversation with.
I guess I really like to speak with people who have something to say and who intrigue me.
I also need to respect them.
I don't think anyone can intimidate me unless I respect them,
mostly I just seem shy but I'm really uninterested.
I feel like so much more can be said through the body (and it's easier for me).
The eyes, the lips the hands...
than again there aren't many people I'd want to touch, on that level.
I'm not a fan of holding hands, especially if feelings aren't involved.
I feel like it's all a lie, or a cover-up, to make things seem more ok.
Who are we kidding.
I never liked being vulnerable, I never let myself be vulnerable, the possibility of getting hurt or embarassed always scared me.
I've realized there is nothing strong about being invulnerable,
You'll never learn anything.
Actions have consequences, You don't learn if you don't do.
Thankyou, I guess.